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Last night

As I was about to go to sleep last night my sister called to tell me that Amanda's father had passed away. I attempted to call his sister first several times with no answer. Then I called his father. Zenaida, his wife answered. Mind you I haven't spoken to them in a few years. She asked me who's this and understably I told her, Amanda's mom. I then said in Spanish I think something bad has happened to their son. They had no idea. I finally spoke with Janette and she confirmed that her brother was indeed found in his apartment dead. As I was speaking with her I heard Sammy say he was going to call Amanda and let her know. I jestered to him not to. I needed to confirm before I told Amanda. I called Amanda and I told her, but she said Sammy already called her. I offered my condolences and asked if she wanted me to go with her for the funeral, and she said yes. We hung up so she could call her brother. I frustratingly shouted reapetedly, Why!? To Sammy and we got into anoth...
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Contemplating

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I'm sitting in front of the beautiful gulf waters at North shore park. I've been sick with a crazy head cold for a few weeks now and the salt air will do me some good. Sammy is driving me crazy because he's having surgery in two days for two hernias, but seems to feel like being drunk is helping, it's not. However, this is about me, how have I gotten to this point where im not happy with my life. I live in a beautiful place, but I'm always in fear of loosing my home and the bills keep coming. I have no career and unsure where to go from here. I have an insurance license but haven't sold a policy. My confidence is not in a good place and I'm currently living on a part time job at daycare center. I know there's something I can do to change my circumstances, but I'm so mentally and physically exhausted, I just can't think where to start. My whole life I've struggled financially and I'm tired. My salvage for the moment is staring out to the w...
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A New Day

Last week I had multiple seizures and lost out on a decent paying job. Although disappointed, I must persist and move forward. Thank God I can go back to my previous job at the children's center. Perhaps it just wasn't for me. I mean I can't drive for another six months anyway. Maybe, there's more in store for me. Everything happens for a reason. 
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Stir Crazy

Going in circles for eternity Isn't that insanity? Driving through streets, unexplained Just to get out of my head Nothing is working Everything is hurting My heart, my soul, my body, numb Tears fill my eyes but never fall down my cheeks Running so fast, in my mind I can barely speak. I know I'm not the only one, so I try not to complain Just continue to be positive But isn't that fake My intentions are good But I don't wanna be a puppet Just going along with the rest of the muppets My mind is regressing, my words don't come out right Some days I feel alone and others I know I should fight Through these stir crazy feelings I just want meaning
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